QA237 QUESTION: I took a course two weeks ago, and since that time most everything around me has crumbled or become chaotic in some way, [Laughter] including my job situation, my apartment, the man I’m with, and my relationship with the dance company. I understand now more clearly the hostility. Is there any other awareness I need on my path right now?
ANSWER: In the first place there is a tremendous struggle going on in you. It is the struggle that every individual sooner or later has to deal with, and that is giving up the old ways, the illusions, the destructive solutions, the misconceptions one has put so much stake and energy in – perhaps for centuries and centuries of incarnations – and adopting new ways. And the struggle is enormous.
Now, in this struggle, particularly after receiving the Force, the Force would then destroy the destructive structure. When you hold on, or part of you holds on to the destructive structure and does not allow its dissolution and re-formation, then indeed you create a block toward the movement that is a life-bringing movement.
What you need is to trust the crumbling and take the pieces from there, and put it together anew. This can be done fairly simply by observing your thought processes and questioning your thoughts, taking distance to them and choosing new possibilities of thinking when you see your thought is truly destructive and untrue. In this way, you will be helping the process that you have set in motion and rebuilding your inner life according to much, much more beautiful, truthful and productive principles.
QA237 QUESTION: I’ve made a commitment at the Center to work and to take care of my time. And also I’ve decided not to continue acting out. [Laughter] I’ve kept it and I’ve worked quite strenuously for the past three weeks, and I have not acted out, and I find myself in a near collapse. Even though I know that this is positive energy that I’m just not used to and it’s working very well and I’m very happy, I feel a loss of my equilibrium, a constant dizziness. I’m half way through the script and suddenly I find a loss of equilibrium – and I’d like your comment.
ANSWER: Well, I would say this to you – there is a somewhat similar process going on as the one I described just before. It is the same kind of inner struggle. It is that the new climate of constructive living is so heady and so pleasurable that the system is not acclimatized to it. Also the system is so used to being guilt-ridden, and therefore producing destruction, and cannot find immediate comfort in a way of being that fosters expansion, pleasure and joy.
In order to produce this climate, you would have to go a few further steps that you still resist taking – in being self-responsible on a very practical outer level, in creating peace for yourself by earning what you need and thereby giving yourself a self-esteem that you must lack if you are too resistant to do this, and in trusting that this process could bring you into the kind of life you really truly want to lead.
QA240A QUESTION: I am a newcomer on the Path, though in some ways I feel like I’ve been here a long time. I feel very overwhelmed by all that I am becoming aware of in myself – all the many battles and all the different fronts. I feel a forcing current that makes me feel overextended. There is a struggle in me to find a balance between the courage to push the limits and some ability to take care of myself, physically and in other ways. I would like some guidance in somehow simplifying my path and making me feel less overwhelmed by all I have to do.
ANSWER: This is an inevitable phase you have to go through. You may allow it and recognize that it comes out of a false balance structure of order you had created that was not real order – that was a defense structure that prevented you from living.
When that structure begins to crumble, it seems to be – and actually is, as it were – that all the chaos you had denied in you has to become conscious. The disorder and the manifold, complicated aspects have to be recognized.
But trust that the organic movement of your path will bring its own rhythm and will bring its order again. It will alternate. It cannot be different. Trust this. Allow this to happen. See yourself, as it were, standing here and seeing all this crumbling taking place – and blessing it and trusting it. The simplification will come organically. It is not something you can enforce. It will happen when you are ready. Do not worry. It is a wonderful time of re-creation.
QA240A QUESTION: I feel that my path is really moving as it should be. I see a lot of movement in my life. Sometimes I feel that it’s happening in spite of myself, but perhaps this is just my fear of letting go into it. When I have a particular issue that I would like clarity on and I meditate on it, I’m not sure I would recognize an answer. That’s confusing to me.
ANSWER: That too is inevitable at these phases, because the disconnectedness has existed for so long that before you can really recognize and trust the answer, there is groping and learning to recognize what comes from where in you. Among many other things, the Path is a reeducation of the entire inner system. It is a reorientation, as well as it is a rebuilding.
Now, here too, I say to trust this. You have friends, Helpers and peers with whom you share your Pathwork. This is one of the wonderful protections in your groups. Wherever you are confused, just verbalize the confusion, verbalize the uncertainty, even put it down in writing, and say, “I am confused exactly about this and that and in this way and in that way.”
By putting down the confusion, you already help to eliminate it even before you get the answer. Then, even if you cannot get the answer from your own channel yet, the channel still works. For your own channel may not reach you yet due to your blocks, but it may reach someone else. [Laughter of recognition in the group] This is what happens so often.