QA136 QUESTION: I have a personal problem regarding the dichotomy between fear and desire – that is, I desire a particular type of relationship with another person, a member of the opposite sex, and I fear it at the same time that I desire it. For instance, today I experienced a sort of a mild rejection – or at least a mild confrontation – which makes me wonder about my power in establishing a relationship.
ANSWER: Well, you see, the fear is so strong that – at this point where you are at this moment – it still overwhelms the desire. This is why you will at times experience what seems like rejection, or you will make sure to provoke the rejection in a subtle way.
For you to come out of it, you have made many findings that show you the way. Let me add this now. What you fear, you have to pinpoint more concisely. Far from the very valid and very accurate findings you have made about your fear, there are more fears that are much more irrational which you have to recognize, which are almost physical fears – irrational fears concerning physicality itself – that are deeply lodged in that part in yourself that is still a child, that really fears certain results in regard to what you wish.
These irrational, physical fears can become conscious, because it is all very easily open with you, very easily accessible. You are not far from pinpointing it.
I don’t advise the ready-made cliché that is so easily now such a temptation to just coin it with a certain phrase. This will not help you. It is much better if you find it in your own spontaneous way, however you feel it. But it might help you, it will help you, it could help you,, when you think about it in this term.
Allow yourself the most irrational feelings – what intellectually seems the most preposterous and which you know is perfectly silly – to really come to the fore, and express them regardless of their obvious nonsense. But this nonsense is in you. And the more you give yourself permission to this nonsense and unreason, the faster you will overcome the problem.
I say this to all of my friends. This is one of the greatest hindrances and one of the deepest reasons for blocks and for resistance – that the more education and sharp your intellect is, the greater this danger may be or this hindrance, obstruction, may be. That you do not allow yourself to be totally oblivious of what you know here, and allow the nonsense to pour forth, to pour out of you.
In your sessions, allow yourself to really let go and to talk forth everything that comes out. Then you will see what obstructs you. Once it’s out in the open, you can then really deal with it. With all the findings you have made, they are a great help, but they are not sufficient in this particular respect, because there is too much still lodged in it that you’ve got to pour forth, regardless of how nonsensible it is.