121 QUESTION: In an involvement with a new person, how can one be sure that one is not transferring from a parent?
ANSWER: One can be sure only by deeply examining one’s feelings and ascertaining the parallels, the similarities of reactions. But a relationship need not be shied away from because it may also contain elements of transferred emotions. Not only can one grow in such a relationship, particularly when being alert to oneself, but usually spontaneous feelings for the new person also exist, which may still make the relationship rewarding for both. To the degree one recognizes oneself, to that degree will the relationship grow more real and less a repetition of old patterns.
I would also advise that you examine your unconscious motivations with respect to this question. You might have hoped to hear that involvement with someone is indeed merely a transference and therefore no good. Such an answer might have appeared to simplify certain disturbing questions.