QA207 QUESTION: Often after a day of work with a Helper, I feel connected with my center. I feel washed with a pleasure I’ve never known. Unfortunately, this pleasure turns into compulsive sexual desire and violent energies which frighten me very much. I use that as a reason for staying disconnected most of the time. Can you comment?
ANSWER: Yes. Yes. The compulsive sexual violent fantasies are exactly what I discussed in the last lecture [Lecture #207 The Spiritual Symbolism and Significance of Sexuality] – that the violence is energized into the sexual current and it requires you to have the courage to accept these fantasies, to accept the violences, to work it through, to let it out of your system, and thus find the love core in you and let it then combine with the sexuality.
As long as the violence and the hatred and the murder make you feel so guilty, you will not allow the pleasure that could be yours, and that actually you deserve to have right now, regardless of the fact that this is still a not worked out nucleus in you. You indeed deserve it, but you do not know it on that level. And you hide from yourself the violence as well as your guilt.
You have to find, as the next step, the courage to expose the full violence and anger, and work it out of your system. As you do that, a very subtle substantial change will take place. You hamper the pleasure due to your guilt. You can immediately try to establish the contact with, “I want to be enraged; I want to hit and scream and kill and murder.” And at the same time know of your goodness, for they are not mutually exclusive.