QA129 QUESTION: I’ve been having difficulty. I discovered the extent of my negative involvement – so rampant – and that as a teacher of art to children, I am not fulfilling them or myself in the relationship. A form of chaos seems to reign.

ANSWER: Well, yes, I could add this, my dear. You may not think so, but it is decidedly a sign of progress that you become aware of this chaos. This chaos always existed in you, but you were not always aware of it. Now that you become aware of it, it gives you the possibility to do something about it.

Of course, you can only do something about it in a very systematic way, with help. You do need help, and you do have to go about it systematically. Then it will prove itself to have been extremely constructive that you have become aware of it, that this is a step forward. Before you were only blind to what actually existed.

This is a decision you have to make, because now you are on the threshold in a certain way of, “Do I want to just get by as well as I can and just in a hazy way try to overlook the existence of this chaos and live as well as I can with it, or do I truly want to make order in myself?” When you make this decision, a wonderful, wonderful new hope and possibility will come to you.

183 QUESTION: This lecture [Lecture #183 The Spiritual Meaning of Crisis] is very close to where I am. I have just begun to discover the meaning of crisis. I feel I either have to take refuge somewhere or I have to ride through the storm, which I feel I am doing now.

ANSWER: This recognition is very good. It touches upon the age-old alternatives of taking refuge or driving through. It is perhaps the most important question on the evolutionary path of each entity. You remain in the cycle of death and rebirth, of pain and struggle, of conflict and strife – physically as well as spiritually and psychologically – precisely because you cling to the illusion that going through can be avoided and taking refuge will do some good.

Actually, taking refuge does not do any good – on the contrary, it increases the critical tension. The momentary relief is illusion of the most serious nature. It is so because the crisis inevitably comes later on, but by then is no longer connected with its source and therefore it hurts more.

When you make up your mind, however, saying, “I will not take refuge, I will go through it,” the resources within the human soul will become almost instantly available. These resources remain obscure to those who still tend to take refuge. They then feel weak and do not believe in their own capacities to actualize the infinite powers of the universal spirit.

They do not know their potential, the strength that will arise, the inspiration that will come. Only when you decide to go through and ask for help in meditation do these resources become available. Then you will sense an awakened trust that the conscious ego is not alone. It is not the only faculty available to deal with the issue.

I emphasize again that a person may be oriented this way in some areas, while remaining closed and unwilling in other areas. You will experience life and yourself accordingly.

It is important that you simply want to do the best you can. It is not important whether or not you make mistakes, whatever they may mean. The struggle itself is what counts and what must bring conciliation. The consequent blessing, strength, and growing wholeness of the personality cannot be put into words.

You want ideal solutions, so you always agonize on the threshold of this total commitment. But what are ideal solutions? They mean nothing if they are not based on the growing wholeness of a person, which comes to pass through the process described here.

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