QA99 QUESTION: I feel this strong holding of negativities and not wanting to grow up: I don’t clean, I don’t cook, and I suffer and I feel very, very fearful and guilty about it. I have a feeling that it’s all connected. It’s all such a strong holding and I feel that consciously I am denying it and saying “No, it’s not true.” And this doldrum came into me. I feel some intention there. I would like to know what I’m doing.
ANSWER: Well, the way I can best answer you is this: it is the whole incarnation at stake.
It is one of those decisions that is all-inclusive: it is your spirituality; it is your sexuality; it is your femininity; it is everything. It is you opening your heart to loving, to assuming responsibility, to giving, to standing with your two feet in the world and contributing to life. It is you being willing to assume responsibility on the deepest level, using your assets positively, and making a commitment to the positive, truthful, realistic, mature life, which includes your femininity and your spirituality.
It is that battle – you are on that threshold. It contains everything. And the important thing for you would be to find out – but somehow you already know – that the denial of all these areas, all these aspects, is misery and suffering. It is as though you wish to hold on to the suffering as a weapon, as a weapon of spite and revenge. And you feel as though, if you would give this up, you would have nothing; and yet the richness, the full richness of the world is waiting.
You do not need all that burden. You really truly do not need it. And the doubts are truly the last resort. Because when you fully know what you are doing, it is almost impossible to maintain it. So the negative ego self produces these doubts – and you are right – as the last stronghold, saying, “No, I do not want to go in this direction.”
Now, can you pinpoint, perhaps something more – what it is you fear in making this commitment, or do not wish or want. Can you come up with something yourself?
QUESTION: I feel now almost like jumping from a cliff. This decision of staying on this…
ANSWER: Yes. That is the abyss of illusion and I recommend that you read this lecture [Lecture #60 Abyss of Illusion]. That abyss has to be risked many, many times, in many different areas of one’s development.
QUESTION: I am so stuck at the moment. What would you say I should do? I want to get out of this but something deep in me pulls me down, but I really want to get out of it. What should be my step?
ANSWER: Yes. That you really meditate and say “I want to give up the negativity, the doubt, the holding back; I want to enter into this life. I have all the help inside. I can do it. I want to give up the stubbornness and the fear and the pride and the self-will and the shame, and let myself go with the greater life that unfolds in me.” If you thus meditate, it will be.
That commitment must be pronounced by you. That is the necessity. You must make that commitment volitionally, again and again and again, and really commune with the God in you in a constant communication. The threshold for you to cross is you making the commitment and letting yourself be led and guided and instructed further, and then admitting the negativity and then deciding with that part of the self that can make such a decision, with your conscious, volitional self, not to give in and act out these negativities.
QA201 QUESTION: I would like to speak about how cynical I am about working on myself, how I disbelieve so much. Part of me doesn’t believe anything, I suppose. Another part wants to very much. It is very hard for me to go into anything really deeply. I get somewhere and then I cut it off; I don’t let it go any more. And I settle for some cheap, cheap thing that I don’t want. I don’t know how to want.
ANSWER: The not knowing how to want is a direct connection of your deliberate choice of negative thinking, of negative approach, of negative feelings, of doubts, of cynicism, etcetera. Now, one feeds the other. By the limitation of your faith in the possibilities of life, you cannot want.
How can you want when you make yourself not believe in more fulfillment, in more possibilities of unfoldment and expansion and joy and creating your own life. So you have to first of all deal with this connection. Not knowing how to want is a direct outcome of choosing cynicism and lack of belief in the possibilities.
The next question is then: What function does the cynical, negative attitude fulfill in your life? You have to really probe into yourself and come up with the knowledge exactly. What is its function? Let us not be content with labeling it as a defense; of course it is that. But it is not sufficient to put it in this way. It has a very definite function. Are you aware at all of what this function is? {No}
Well, I will give you a hint, and maybe in your work you can proceed further. This hint is that by having this cynical, negative, limited, moral outlook about life, it does not require anything of you. You are then not called upon to risk anything or to make investments or to come forth or to make yourself vulnerable. If you pretend you know it is all so bad, why then should you be vulnerable?
So your negativity is basically a dishonesty. And you have to face this too. The honesty would be to say, “Yes, maybe there are wonderful possibilities I do not even wish to see, because in seeing them, the only way I could realize them would be by being vital, soft, not in control, not knowing all the answers.” This is my answer to you.
QA218 QUESTION: One of the biggest obstacles for me in really living fully, accepting myself and enjoying life is my judgement of the negative childish part of myself that wants to sabotage my life. Can you give me any advice in accepting this further?
ANSWER: I would advise you to approach that child in you, not with indulgence, but with a deep understanding that that child is unhappy. Receive its unhappiness with confidence and faith and trust – and allow that feeling of unhappiness in that child part to come through. Give in to that feeling. Flow with that feeling in the faith that it is a tunnel.
That will stop the negativity. With kindness to the child and with faith in the world, let the unhappy feeling underneath the negativity come to the fore.
QA229 QUESTION: I’ve been going through a very big crisis in my life. And I am finding it really, really hard to give up all these negative attitudes that I have. I’d like some help.
ANSWER: Yes. I would say this to you, my dear. The misconception exists in you very, very strongly that if you give up these negative behavior patterns and this acting out, you will have no pleasure, you will be good and decent and responsible and you will only work hard and have a dull, boring life. [Prolonged laughter] Are you at all aware of this belief?
QUESTION: Yes. [Prolonged laughter]
ANSWER: That is exactly the trouble. Perhaps you can begin by questioning and challenging your assumption that it may not be that way at all, and in fact now you suffer much more than you have pleasure. The pleasure you derive is so minimal as compared to the suffering. You can make room for the possibility that indeed the other way, you would have infinitely more pleasure.
Make room for that possibility. You do not have to take my word for it. Just allow for the possibility and begin to explore. If you find I am wrong, you can always go back. No one can prevent you from that. You do not sign your life away. Every human being has constantly the power of deciding and altering his and her course and decisions and directions, and you have that right and that responsibility and that power – power in the positive sense.
